Doctors visit

I went in to see Dr. Pakzad today and I thought my wounds where looking pretty good and the healing process was FINALLY taking place. I was wrong, the wounds weren't healing internally. They gave the appearance of closing but where still a half inch deep. Needless-to-say the doctor took a small spoon looking thing, dug everything out and bandaged everything up. Not fun. Its getting hard to be positive and i feel like faking it till I make it is an option governed by the day--sometimes I can and sometimes I can't. I have talked with people who have gone through bad things in there lives and it always went something like this: Don't let what happen govern the rest of your life. Try and stay positive, ask for help and I will be there. Do something you love: Music, writing, fishing, painting, reading; find your passion. If your listening to depressing music make a switch, music has more power than you think. The power of positive thinking is something we over look everyday, if you think you can or you think you can't your right. I have regurgitate these things a hundred times trying to encourage others and let them know I care. Now I'm having to swallow these words with a giant spoon and i'm taking it terribly. I will continue to fight because that's what I do, I fight. But man I tell you what I have been doing this since 2007 and I'm so done. I want this so bad and I wont quite though everything inside me is telling me to lay down and die. I hate this. The pain, drugs, lack of mobility, not being able to accomplish minor tasks. Its emasculating and demoralizing I feel a little smaller each day. I feel like me person has changed and I'm not quite me anymore and I loose a little bit of myself each day. I want it back but I'm not sure how to do so. Will a prosthetic accomplish this? I guess only time will tell. Ahhhhh I refuse to be sad, I refuse to have this change me, I refuse to be negative and I will rise above this and beat it. 

Stay classy Tacoma (and surrounding areas) 

Nub-er-band